


Jealousy

by StillWinchester



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bisexual Dean Winchester, Bisexuality, Demisexual Castiel (Supernatural), Demisexuality, Drinking, Drinking & Talking, First Kiss, Gay Bar, Homophobic John Winchester, Idiots in Love, Internalized Homophobia, Jealous Castiel (Supernatural), Jealous Dean Winchester, Jealousy, Love Confessions, M/M, Sam Winchester Ships Castiel/Dean Winchester, Talking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-12 11:27:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28884612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StillWinchester/pseuds/StillWinchester
Summary: Cas is in love with Dean, and it hurts when he sees him with a strange woman. One night he says Sam about his feelings, and Sam wants to help these two idiots in love.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel & Sam Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 101





	Jealousy

**Author's Note:**

> A little jealous Cas because why not? Enjoy! 
> 
> BTW I'm on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/stillwinchester) now! And I changed my username here! I was earlier DeanDeservesBetter!

**Jealousy**

Cas isn't sure which thing is the most intense to him. A smell of cigarettes? A taste of a beer? Or maybe a sound of a music from an old jukebox?

He isn't sure until he sees like Dean is flirting with some random woman. Yes, it is intense, full of emotions and feelings. Jealousy. Heartbreak. Awful pain in his chest.

He's watching them, but actually, he's focused only on Dean. He sees his mouth when it formulates sweet nothings and gives a little insincere smiles. He sees his hand which touches her naked arm. He sees his eyes which are staring at her rack, Dean doesn't maintain eye-contact with that woman more than a few seconds. The thought that he and Dean can be looking into each other eyes for a long time comforts him a little, but it's still not enough. Cas knows he could never have him, and it hurts every time he sees Dean with somebody else.

Dean goes outside with his new friend, and Cas knows why. They're going to have sex. In a hotel room? Or maybe at the backseat of the Impala? Is he likes that woman a little, or she's just pretty and attractive to him? If Dean will be enjoying this act? Maybe he needs to release a tension and that's all, but why he couldn't do this alone in his room without any stranger? Cas shouldn't think like this, it's selfish and unfair, but he can't stop it. He's really glad that Dean hits on the girls rarely recently. The hunter is much older now than that day when they met, so probably his libido decreased a little.

Cas raises his beer and drinks it at once. Then he orders something stronger. Sam blinks a few times and clears his throat: “Cas, are you okay?”

“No,” he answers honestly and drinks another shot. “But I'm not gonna talk about this.”

“Okay, but if you... If you change your mind, I'm here,” says Sam, and Cas nods. 

“I know. You're a good friend, Sam.”

They're drinking together in silence, Cas as an angel needs a lot of alcohol to feel its influence, so he takes shots repeatedly. He's still not drunk, but he thinks he can't buy more without arousing suspicion. Humans, even Poles and Russians, couldn't drink that much.

“Sam, have you... Have you ever been in love with someone?” he asks suddenly. 

Sam looks surprised, but he answers, scratching his head: “Yeah, of course, a few times. I think Jess was my first true love. Why are you asking?”

“I… What is it like?”

“It's hard to say. It's lots of mixed feelings, sometimes extreme… You feel good with that person, you know, happy, and you want everything best for her… or him,” he explains clumsily.

“I see… I'm in love with somebody, Sam,” admits Cas, looking at his feet. He doesn't know if it's a good idea, but he feels so devastated this night that he doesn't care anymore.

“Oh, wow, I mean… I wasn't sure if angels can feel that way. I was even talking with Dean about that and…”

“You were talking with Dean about me and my feelings? Why?” he asks curious and feels something strange in his guts, or maybe Jimmy's guts.

“Oh, sorry, Cas. We were just wondering… You know, you have never been on the date. I assumed you can be asexual, but I didn't know what about a romantic aspect, but after April… Oh, I'm not sure if you wanna talk about it.”

“I want… if it's not too problematic for you. I slept with April because I was a lost human then, and it was something new for me. It was very educational, but I didn't have any feelings to her. She was my only one sexual partner. I think, it was nice, but I would prefer to do this again with someone who has a bond with me,” explains Cas. He almost used word 'profound', but he bit his tongue. 

“So, you're demisexual?”

“I'm supposed.”

Sam takes a sip of his beer and waits, but nothing more comes from Cas' mouth.

“So, who is it? I know her?” he asks.

“Yes, you know… him,” murmurs Cas.

“Oh… It's okay, I mean, you're genderless, actually and… Oh Gosh, I mean, if you were a man, it would be totally okay to be gay… I… Shit! Sorry, Cas,” gulps Sam nervously. He knew a few queer people, but for the first time he got all tongue-tied.

“It's okay Sam. I am utterly indifferent to sexual orientation, and I'm gender fluid. The bond is the most important for me. And I know you're not homophobic at all,” he says. 

“Thanks, Cas. It was just a lot of information. So, who…” Sam wants to ask again, but he just eyes on Cas, and he knows already. He says calmly: “It's Dean, right? You share a more profound bond.”

Cas gulps and nods: “Yes.”

“How long?” asks Sam.

“I don't know… I think it started when I pulled him out from hell, but I didn't know then that it was love,” Cas whispers, regretting that he doesn't have a next drink.

“Does he know?”

Cas jumps at his chair nervously and looks at Sam with a fear in his eyes.

“What? Of course not, and you can't tell him, Sam! He would never look the same at me after that. You must promise to me, that you won't say anything!” shouts Cas, but then he adds quietly: “My apologies, I shouldn't yell at you.”

“You have my word, I won't tell him anything. But I think you should to do this,” gasps Sam.

“I can't. It would destroy our friendship, and maybe it's selfish, but I don't have anyone more… I don't wanna lose my family,” he whispers.

Cas isn't a real angel anymore. He rebelled and ran away from Heaven. Now, the Earth and the Winchesters are his family. He needs them, maybe even more than they need him.

“You won't. You'll always be part of the family, Cas. And nothing can change it. But I still think you should to tell him. Who knows what happen next?”

“I know. He'll reject me, and he'll start to avoiding me. His friendship is enough for me,” says Cas, but even he doesn't believe in own words. It's not enough, but he can't have more. Never.

“Really? Is it?” asks Sam.

“No, but it has to be enough…”

Cas decides to order one more beer. He raises his hand, looking for a bartender. After ten minutes they decide to come back to the hotel. They go outside, and Cas looks at Impala. He can see some movement inside the car. Great, they're doing it on the parking.

Cas gulps and clenches his fists. Sam sees this, and he wants to comfort him some way, but he isn't sure what to do.

“Cas...” he says.

“It's okay, Sam. He's not mine… I think I'm going to find some liquor store.”

Cas doesn't wait for anything, he just turns around and goes away. Sam is still standing outside, and he's thinking about their conversation. It's so obvious now, how has he never noticed this before? Cas always stared deeply into Dean's eyes, he had a problem with personal space only in Dean's case. And of course, he did everything for him. He gave everything to him…

But Sam is thinking about something else either. His brother… He made the same things for Cas. 

*

Next day, Cas seems to be normal. He's acting like usually, but Sam pays attention to him and Dean. He needs to be sure if he's right.

He doesn't talk about that with Cas anymore, but he's waiting for some opportunity to ask Dean about this. Of course, he won't betray Cas, and he certainly won't say about an angel's feelings to his brother. He just needs to know if Dean is into guys. Sam believes he is because he sees his older brother how he reacts for men sometimes.

Two weeks later, Sam and Dean has a case. Easy one which took them only one day. They killed a couple of vampires and goes to the bar after that.

“I saw some place earlier, it's near to our motel,” says Sam, pointing direction. It's a lie actually because he checked where is some gay bar on purpose. He thought it could be a good opportunity to raise a subject.

They come into the bar, and Dean chuckles: “Sammy, you know it's a gay bar?”

“Really?” he asks, watching two kissing dudes. “Whatever, a beer taste the same in every bar.”

They sit at the counter and order two beers. While they're waiting for drinks, Dean is looking at some brunet from head to foot.

“What was that?” asks Sam. 

“What was what?” Dean turns his head to his little brother.

“You were checking that guy out for a long minute.”

“No, I wasn't,” denies Dean nervously, and takes a sip of a beer.

“Dean, you know you can tell me everything. You're my brother, and I love you no matter what.”

“What are you talking about?”

Dean frowns his eyebrows. He doesn't like this conversation, what is Sam trying to imply?

“Okay, I just ask. Are you bisexual?” he shoots from the hip.

“What? No!”

“Dean...”

“Okay, maybe. And what? Does it change anything?” asks Dean, taking a long sip. He seems to be pissed.

It isn't freaking _'Dr Phil'_ , or some confession. And definitely it's not Sam's business. Dean lies to himself, so he isn't sure if he could admit this out loud. _Bisexual? Dean Winchester could be bisexual?_

“No, of course not. You're still the same man who raised me, but... I want you to feel comfortable with yourself.”

There is a silence, when they're just drink. Sam is waiting for Dean to open up. He doesn't push him too much. After a few minutes, Dean speaks: “It's not easy, Sammy. You know, I just push it away, and it's working somehow. I'm also into women, so I pretend only a little.”

“You don't have to pretend at all,” says Sam calmly.

“Yeah, I'm not sure about that,” laughs Dean bitterly.

“Is it about dad? Look Dean, he's gone and you... you're here. You can do whatever you want. Whatever make you happy.”

“Sammy, it's not like sex with some dude makes me happy... Jeez!” shouts Dean, clenching his fist on the bottle. He doesn't want to talk about that.

“I know, but if you want, just do it.”

“Do you have some fetish?” asks Dean, smirking.

“Jerk!”

“Bitch!”

Dean thinks it's over, but then Sam starts again: “So, have you ever...”

“Sammy, I think it's my private business!” he interrupts him quickly.

“Uhh, gross. I'm not gonna ask you about sex, dude. I just wanna know if you have ever been in love with some guy.”

“I... Yeah, a few times. But I won't tell you names!”

“Sure,” says Sam with a smile. “And Dean... Thanks that you told me.”

*

They're sitting at the map table on the bunker. It's getting to late. Dean glances on Cas who is reading some manuscript, and licks his lips unknowingly. Sam notices this, but of course says nothing.

He clears his throat and yawns: “I'm going to bed. Have fun!”

“Night, Sammy,” murmurs Dean.

“Good night, Sam,” says Cas, looking at him.

“Yeah, thanks. And Cas, just remember you're family,” says Sam and then his mouth moves silently _'Tell him!'_. Cas shakes his head slightly.

Sam gasps and walks away. Dean looks at Cas, frowning: “What was that?”

“Nothing,” he says and changes subject. “Aren't you tired too? I can finish research alone.”

“No, I'm fine. Just get back to work.”

They're reading again, but they both can't focus on this, glancing at the other one from time to time. When their eyes meet once, they give a little smile to each other. 

Dean closes his book and says: “Okay, we need a break. Do you wanna some beer?”

Cas raises his eyes and nods: “Sure.”

Dean walks, but he stops close to Cas. He touches his arm and squeezes it. He wants to take his hand away a few seconds later, but Cas grabs it.

“Dean… About what Sam said earlier, I'm glad that I belong to our family,” he whispers.

“I'm glad too, buddy,” says Dean, and Cas looses his grip.

Dean goes to the kitchen, and Cas is rubbing his eyes. _Buddy?_ Great! And Sam was encouraging him to tell Dean about his real feelings? That's insane.

Dean comes back a few minutes later with two beers. He gives one bottle to Cas and sits next to him. They're drinking for a while and then Dean clears his throat: “So, I was wondering… Sam and you… Do you keep some secrets from me?”

“No,” says slowly Cas and looks away.

_Liar! Liar!_

“Okay, sure, don't tell me. Peachy,” marmurs Dean and takes a long sip. “Nice talk.”

“Dean...” gulps Cas, putting a bottle on the map table. “I… You don't have to be worried. I was just talking with Sam about something, but it's nothing important.”

“Oh, great! So, you're besties now? I thought we tell everything each other… I assume I was wrong,” snorts Dean.

“Dean, I don't want to argue. Just trust me, everything is fine.”

Cas tries to calm down Dean, but he doesn't seem satisfies with this explanation.

“Yeah, I have to trust you, but you don't trust me enough to tell about some shit and instead you go straight to Sam with your concerns.”

Dean is mad, and Cas can feel it. He really wants to convince him that it's no big deal, but whatever he says, Dean turns it in a bad thing.

“Are you… jealous?” asks Cas in surprise.

Dean opens his mouth, but doesn't say a word, so he closes it fast. He blinks a few times and shakes his head.

“I need something stronger,” he says, pointing to the beer and walks away. Cas follows him to the kitchen.

Dean takes two glasses and pours whiskey to them. Cas gets one glass, and they drink it down.

“Maybe I am,” says Dean suddenly.

Cas takes a few steps closer to him and puts his hand on Dean's arm. He tries to catch his eyes.

“Dean, I said to Sam… I said to him that I…” He can't finish the sentence because of the knot in his throat.

“Cas, what did you say to him?” gulps Dean, staring deeply into blue eyes.

He isn't sure if it's only his imagination, or Cas stand a little too close to him. He feels butterflies in his stomach.

“I love you, Dean. I said to him that I love you…” he whispers.

 _What?_ It can't be true. He has to have in mind he loves him like a brother. That's why Sammy said before that Cas is a family. But he needs to ask anyway.

“Oh, okay. You mean… like a…”

“Lover,” says Cas.

“Yeah, sure. That was… That was what I thought…” Dean clears his throat and feels how Cas loosens his grip and makes two steps back.

“So, should I move from the bunker now?” asks Cas, playing with a one of his coat's sleeve.

“What? Why?” Dean frowns, he's still shocked, and he hasn't idea how to react.

“I assume I'm not welcome here anymore.”

“What? What are you talking about? You're a family, Cas. You're always welcome here. And I need you, man,” says Dean.

 _Fuck!_ Did he just call Cas 'man' after he confesed him a love?

“Oh,” whispers Cas. “So, it doesn't change anything between us?”

His eyes were full of hope and Dean even notices a little smile in the corner of his lips.

“No, it's change a lot. Everything, actually,” says Dean.

Cas is confused, he tilts his head and looking at Dean like he wants to understand.

Dean comes closer to him and scratches his head nervously. He tries to smile, but it's not easy: “I didn't know that angels can feel that way… Um, I'm not good at talking about that stuff, but I like you, Cas. I mean, I like you more than friend.”

Dean touches Cas' cheek and brushes it with his fingertips. Cas closes his eyes as a sign of his consent and waits for Dean's move. 

Dean kisses him slowly and softly, he wants to feel his taste. And Cas… He tastes so good… like an angel.

They pull back, smiling to each other and staring into their eyes. Blue and green. Colors of their love.

“I love you, Cas,” whispers Dean for the first time.

“I'm so happy, Dean,” he says. “And I love you too, of course.”

They're kissing again. This time more passionaetly. And Dean is surprised that kissing his best friend is so easy like the most normal thing on the world.

“So, do you wanna watch some movie together?” asks Dean after kissing. “You can choose.”

“Okay,” nods Cas and smiles to him.

Dean isn't sure if it's not too childish, but he just holds Cas' hand in his. The angel squeezes it, and they both goes to the Dean Cave. Together. As a couple. A couple of trusting.

Dean can't believe in his happiness, and he thinks he has to thank Sam for this. Maybe he'll even buy for him some veggie bacon? 


End file.
